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| ********************************************************************************************************* MOST RECENT ENTRIES -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Friday, March 02, 2007 I'm a bit fed up today Despite having had a good weigh-in last night (I've lost 4lbs in 2 weeks, and am back to the lowest I've been since I started trying to eat more sensibly), I'm a bit fed up. It's the usual payday blues really. No matter how much I earn it's never enough. I've taken on a Saturday job now. Consequently I'm always tired, the house is a tip and yet we're still struggling! It's not like I'm uneducated and in a bad job either... Sky have restricted my services, and I don't know that I can pay them enough to get re-instated, so once again I'm going to miss out on everything I enjoy watching. Paul's attitude pisses me off... he's not bothered about Sky therefore it doesn't matter. The fact that it's the only thing I have every month, and that it's my chillout just doesn't seem to matter to him - because it's not his thing. What annoys me is that he always makes sure that he's got enough money to get his beloved beer and fags. He never misses out, yet it seems that I never really get anything. We don't go the cinema because he doesn't want to. I never have money for treating myself to new clothes, and feel guilty when I buy things in the sales. And it always seems to be my things that have to be sacrificed first when we're skint. And I'm not supposed to complain about it! Right now I just want to cry. I'm totally fed up of being broke all the time, and struggling. Everything we own of any value has been pawned, or to be more accurate all my gadgets and things like that have been pawned. We've got high interest loans coming out of our ears, and by the time the loans have been paid out I have about 50% of my wages left to pay the mortgage, pay the interest on my things, and pay all my other bills. I've had years of living like this, and I'm utterly sick of it. I can't keep doing this. I think what makes it so bad is that much of the problems we have are related to things Paul did in the past - we've had months in the past where he would gamble just about all my wages and leave us with nothing for bills and food. It takes a hell of a long time to recover from that, and it doesn't help that every so often he slips again. I feel a bit better for getting all that off my chest - even though it doesn't solve anything! I just need a miracle! And some space to myself... he's not working tonight, so there goes my one night a week that I get some peace and quiet and time to do my own thing. posted by Unknown -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- // *END OF NEW ENTRIES* \\ |
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